What are the things which make you feel like home? What do you call home? Is it depending on the place, the people, the material things, the instinct feelings or more? What does this feeling mean for a child and what for a "grown-up"? How can you find your place in today´s biiig, chaotic world? How does the meaning of the word "home" change if you leave everything behind -  family, friends, all the familiar places - and go to live in another country to discover yourself? The topic of our exchange in Macedonia made me think a lot and I´d like to share some thoughts and feelings about my " home".

A few weeks after my arrival in Belgium (in the end of September 2007) I found an interesting book in Mu-zee-um (my loveliest present workplace) while sorting on one of our messy shelf. It was about children from different places of the world talking about the things which make them feel like home. There were photos of a big, US family house, a small countryside cottage in France, some cartons and metal roof from Israel, a shelter made of mud and tree branches from Africa and so on, so on. Big families, small families, brothers, sisters and only children, three generations living under the same roof and divorced parents, dogs, cats, turtles and exotic pets, Barbie dolls and tiny puppets made of old pieces of textile... Many places, many stories, ways of living and of course there were huge differences concerning the conditions and the material things, the basic feeling was the same: home meant a safe place to be, to return after the struggles of a hard day, it provides peace even if there´re people fighting on the streets. A place where they can get food and most importantly: love.

While reading this so many things came to my mind. For me that was a period of changes, a completely new situation in a strange land with strange people whose language I didn´t speak. I experienced something new every day, tried to find my place, thought over several things which I believed clear, natural and obvious before but got a new meaning in the new context. Family, friends, people around me, my relationship with them and the roles in those relationships... And the feeling of home. What does home mean for me - how has it been changing during all these years?

Well, to start with there are the years of childhood. An important and determining period of everyone´s life. We depend on our parents, family, environment - their love, care, reactions, attitude which determine our personality and it has great influence on the later years as well, mostly subconsciously. Daily routine, impressions, memories, small objects...

Going home after school, throwing my bag in a corner, have lunch, sitting down to do my homework. The colorful, isolated and magical world of toys, fairy tales, stories of a slightly spoiled only-child. The smell of my granny´s flat, the cooking Sunday lunch, long summer days in my father´s huge garden, playground for two - me and my best friend looking for dinosaur bones, climbing the Himalaya, catching frogs, the never-ending march of little plastic toys for the enjoyment of my swearing mum who always stepped on a "less-than-2centimeters-sized", but really important doll-accessory.    

I think there are things like that in everyone´s life. Small things which we miss when we go to a summer camp - bedtime-stories, goodnight-kisses, warm chocolate-milk in the morning - and that special feeling when we return after a long journey or an adventure, and there´s someone to greet us, to say how smart, beautiful and talented we are. If we fall on the ground, hurt ourselves, cry because the stronger kid stole our red lorry or an ungrateful lover broke our heart there´s someone to console us, to stroke our head and hold our hand, and even if we behave like grumpy little monsters we are forgiven.

All these things seem so natural that we feel it will be like that for ever and only the lack of them can raise our feeling of appreciation.

When you leave home for the first time you realize that it means far more (and it is more complex) than satisfying your physical and emotional needs. A small, cozy place can make you feel like home, playing with your dog, hanging out with friends in your favorite cafeteria, a secret corner in the city which makes you feel that you´re the only person who knows it.

If you settle down in a new place firstly you would like to find similar things. Put photos, posters, postcards on the walls of your room or buy a plant to fill the disturbing emptiness and wander endlessly in the town to find nice places to spend your free-time. There´s something new behind every corner, every street seems so mysterious and you get lost once, twice, three times...

It makes me think of the film called L´auberge espagnole - maybe you´ve seen it - about the guy doing his Erasmus in Barcelona. When he arrives he´s confused, lost, carrying all his heavy packages, asking people with strong accent where is the place he´s looking for. Then he sees himself walking on the same street several month later - like a vision - hands in his pocket, easy-going, with the coolness of a person who already got used to the place. I think I´m not the only person who had the same feelings when starting EVS, Erasmus, au-pair or just moved to another country for a while.           

After the first feelings of excitement and being lost you slowly get used to the new daily rhythm, the habits, learn a new language, make friends, you don´t need a map any more to find your way. Weeks, months passing and you haven´t really realized the changes but you´ve already been calling the place where you live home.

I´ve just started thinking about what are the things which make me feel like home on the Belgian seacoast so far from Hungary and the place I was born. Some of them (of course not in the order of importance):

The colorful pictures in my wall, the poor little plant called Griet on my table, the pink mug with a cow which I got for Christmas, the sun shining in my room on Saturday mornings, riding my bike when the wind blows from the back, watching the sunset on the seasiede, my dearest Swedish flatmate, Jenny whom I can talk about everything, always ask how was her day (she´s like a sister, a family member for me), my lovely collagues saying "Goedemorgen, Réka, hoe is´t? Goed? Waarom niet zeer goed?!", saying "hééé" after every single sentence even if I speak English J, running up and down on the stairs of Mu-zee-um and knowing the place of every little thing, dancing African in a very nice group, go to the Sportcenter on Wednesday mornings to do some work-out, wandering on the lovely-romantic streets of Brugge with my "mother", Emeltje...

Endless list of small things (like in Amélie, you know) which make me happy, feel comfortable and cheer me up on days of feeling blue.

This year of wonderful adventures, travels, many new friends from many far parts of the world, the new impressions every day made me think that the world is actually a smaller and friendlier place than we thought. You just have to find the good people and the good places to be. Of course it can sometimes feel big, complicated, confusing, chaotic and cruel but those moments of shared joy - like giving free hugs to everyone on the streets, opening your home for travelers and being hosted by local people during your trip (this thing is called Couchsurfing, check out it´s website, but be careful - addictive!), dancing together hand in hand, look in the eyes and smile, lying under the stars and listen to long-forgotten stories of distant lands - just take away all the bitterness.

Because although it is very important to have a place, a little shelter where we can hide for a while, where we can be by ourselves, have some privacy, relax and recharge our batteries, but going out and experience the global village feeling can give you an incredible amount of positive energy. Dancing under the sun, feel the music flowing through your soul, paint, laugh, socialize, share thoughts, ideas, experiences, express yourself in many languages (and also on non-verbal way), brake the walls and ice between people, smell flowers, see all the colours, feel the raindrops on your face... These are the things which really make me feel like home in the world.

For me feeling home is inseparable from the feeling of happiness, being in harmony with myself and others, finding my place no matter of the location.

A few weeks ago I went to Paris to see the city. It was a great adventure, the first time I travelled alone, decided where to go what to do by myself, not depending on others. I have seen many things and of course I fell in love with the city (as I do with almost every place I visit) but for the end of the day I felt a bit tired and lonely. I was walking somewhere near Montmartre when my phone rang. It was my mother and my granny asking how am I doing, if everything goes fine, I´m not lost and have a safe place to sleep. I made them sure that I´m OK, not robbed or raped or something which they might worry about and I can find my way. Making phone calls from abroad is really expensive but my feelings of loneliness immediately disappeared by talking with them. It was so good to realize that wherever I go - I can even be on the other side of the globe -, whatever I do - because I sometimes do quite stupid things, everyone does -, whatever language I speak and however I mess up my life there are always people thinking about me, caring about me and love me unconditionally and I can love them and care about them in return. And that is the real feeling of home.